Be Only You

I lived in London for a number of years with a dear friend who became my housemate. One of our ongoing jokes (even to this day) was my inability to gauge the right amount of water needed for 2 full cups of tea. With my sustainable hat on, I was trying to save water and the energy needed to boil the water. Although this almost always resulted in me making my friend a half cup of tea. While it was always a great source of laughter, it was peppered with his disappointment. While this analogy is humorous, it is a relatable example of how us humans expect (and sometimes need) a full cup to take or pour from.

What Do I Mean By Having A Full Cup?

Absolutely no one likes going into a bar, a cafe or supermarket and getting a half filled cup, glass, mug or bottle of something. We almost feel cheated right? I would even go as far as saying that we are disempowered with the lack of a full cup. 

You are this cup and what fills you is the energy that is within your body, mind and your soul. So whenever you are not feeling 100% (I bet you’ve said that out loud before) this is your signal and message from yourself to yourself, that you are not pouring from a full cup.  Your energy batteries are depleted, some elements more so than others.

3 Things That Empty Your Cup

The obvious answer here is everything to do with living on this earth as that is our natural cycle. Although here are three less obvious day to day acts that we likely unconsciously do.

1. Overdoing It

For example with exercise: there is a fine balance between ensuring you are moving your body and pushing your limits. I am sure we have all said to ourselves “you have to go to that class, you haven’t been in ages”. To be clear, I am not referring to procrastination here and only you know when you are doing it. I will also caveat that some form of exercise can help with energy levels and mild stress. Again only you know your limits.

Here is a real example of this, just this week on top of a particularly hectic and stressful work week. I decided to book myself in for a few yoga and fitness classes. By Tuesday, I found I wasn’t sleeping enough, waking up stressed (my fitness wearable is very useful for this) and so I knew I was draining my batteries and so I then promised myself to take it easier for the rest of the week and cancelled all remaining classes. Did I feel slightly guilty? Yes but I know the feeling of pouring from an empty cup is worse for me.

2. Overpromising

Ever look at your calendar and get that sense of dread that you’ve filled your evenings with social engagements and left yourself with no down time? Then that tightness in your chest starts to creep in and you feel stressed because you know you have extra work and life admin to get done. I used to think that if I even gave a piece of myself to events or tasks that people would recognise that I am trying but in reality I was stretching myself too thin, and pouring from a half or quarter filled cup.

3. Overthinking

Not such an obvious one and I recently wrote more on the mind in “Your Mind Is More Powerful Than You Think”. Your mind will generate upwards of 80,000 thoughts per day, and if you are particularly stressed and ruminating on something at work, or an issue with your friend or partner, you are cranking up this number. So your mental capacity is less capable of functioning as it would normally or not operating with a full cup. That is your signal to stop and reset with the self care techniques that work for you e.g. meditation, mindful walk, painting, a hot bath, yoga etc

Misconceptions Of Keeping Your Cup Full

Protecting your energy and keeping your cup does not mean that you are;

• Selfish
• Ungrateful
• Unloving
• A bad person or parent
• Lazy

In fact it means the complete opposite because your thoughts, actions and words carry energy in this world and to the people (and children) around you. When you are running on a deficit, their potency and quality significantly drop. Absolutely no one benefits in this scenario.

“Absolutely no one will thank you for sharing your half cup of energy with them.”

Aoife (Me)

Ways You Can Fill Up Your Own Cup First

Only you know the true ways that help you recharge your batteries and this will be different to different people. Some people get energy from being around their closest friend and others need time alone. Here are some ideas to get you going;

• Spend some time alone and simply rest: lie on your bed with your favourite podcast on and mute your notifications

• Rest your mind: practise techniques to quieten the noise, meditation, mindfulness activities, breathing techniques (box breathing is particular helpful) you don’t have to do these things for very long, the benefit is doing a little, a lot of the time

• Rest your body intentionally: skip that exercise or yoga class, take the extra time in bed

• Rest your soul: do the thing that delights you and makes you feel grateful for being alive, maybe that gentle walk in the park observing nature

• Finally, create some boundaries for yourself and I write more about this in “Loving Yourself: Why You Should Prioritise This Over Everything”

Why It’s Not Selfish To Fill Your Own Cup First

If you take nothing else from this piece, remember it is not selfish to fill your own cup first. If you don’t have 100%, you can’t give 100% at work, at home or anywhere. I understand that this is not so easy for people without a support structure or family/community to lean on, try to find some gap where you can release the pressure no matter how small. 

It can also be difficult and awkward to communicate or push back to friends, family or at work. Here are a couple of suggestions;

“I won’t be able to make it out later, so sorry for the late notice, I am not at my best and you deserve my full energy and attention. I will be in touch to rearrange and thank you for your understanding”

“I know we have that deadline to reach. You should know that I am not feeling 100% in myself and so I am currently doing my best with the energy and workload that I have. I will keep you posted on my progress and where I may need some additional support from you and team” 

If any of this content inspires you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox and receive printable gratitude and values exercises! 

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Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.