Be Only You

Values are values, they are neither right or wrong. These are not to be confused with your basic human needs of food, shelter, safety and warmth. Values are your building blocks of beliefs that signpost what is important to you in your life and how you live your life.

Values are the moral principles and beliefs or accepted standards of a person or social group.

Collins Dictionary

Not everyone will have the same values in life, even those close to you. More often than not, the root cause of friction with people within your life, is your conflicting value systems. It is not possible to change someone’s value system (nor should you). Depending on the level of friction between these value systems, the relationship may or may not continue e.g. post honeymoon phase in a new relationship is where things can start to break down if values are not aligned or similar. In this case, you must find ways to meet in the middle or go your separate ways. Our individual values systems are our own individual pathways in life but this doesn’t mean we have the same ones for life. As you grow and evolve, so will your value system, so it is important to check in with yourself regularly on this. Keep reading for a helpful exercise to guide you through this.

Some Of My Values

Here are some of my values (not in order of importance).

Authenticity

• Something deep inside me gets triggered whenever I meet somebody or watch somebody who talks the talks but doesn’t walk the walk.

Curiosity

• I am relentless in the search for the why of anything or anybody. I am that person that will ask the 3 or so levels of why (yes I was one of those children). 

Determination

• I can be like a dog with a bone on certain things, some people in my life confuse this with stubbornness although when I create a goal for myself, I am determined to drive towards that for as long as I need to.

Empathy

• Most likely linked to my value of curiosity, if someone acts badly towards me, I need to understand the why. Sidenote: peoples’ behaviour is never about you, it is always about them but it can still feel personal. Once I have a sense of the why, I switch on my empathy button and try to put myself in their shoes (not always easy).

Education

• Again complementary to my curiosity,  I believe education and access to knowledge is the single biggest source of power that humans have. This is not to be confused with the traditional educational system. I am referring to the continuous journey of education through new experiences in terms of locations and cultures, reading books, listening to new teachers or sources of inspiration, learning new skills etc. I believe that education is a lifelong journey!

Friendship/Family

• Life would be nothing without family and friends, I believe that is really the only point of our existence. We get such a short period of time on this earth and these people that are close to you, hopefully help guide you along your way. They are your golden ticket in life and make it worth living in my opinion. I consider friends as family, so for me that is why I have combined these.

Gratitude

• I dedicated a recent blog to this topic because I believe in its magnetism of abundance and joy into one’s life. Integrating gratitude into your life through your thoughts, actions and words is an amazing superpower that we all hold. If you are interested in learning more, I wrote more at length in Gratitude Can Be Your Superpower (If You Let It)

Honesty

• A hugely important value for me and related to authenticity in terms of living and speaking your truth. I can sometimes get onboard with what some people would call “white lies” for the sake of surprising me, or protecting someone else’s privacy but if it is a blatant lie, I find it very difficult to manage and it damages the energy that I can give to that relationship going forward

Reliability

• I will give people the benefit of the doubt perhaps once. If you don’t do what you say or promise you will do, then you won’t make my innermost circle

Signs You Are Not Living Aligned With Your Values

1. Continous Friction

You find yourself in constant friction or irritation with someone or something. This is where your two value systems are intersecting and butting heads like bulls in a ring. Institutions/employers can also have a value system which can create this friction within you.

2. Anxiety

Is the prolonged feeling of fear (or stress) with excessive worrying and can manifest in so many physical forms for you. When you are experiencing this for prolonged periods (weeks or months on end) this is another sign.

3. Sense Of Unease

This one is less obvious and not quite as intense as anxiety but there is a sense of stuckness or “bleugh”. Your day to day life just isn’t flowing and something is just not quite right. This is your intuition signposting to you that you are not living in alignment with part of your value system.

Why Do We Need A Value System

It is fundamental to how we live our life and make decisions. Although shifting our thoughts, actions and behaviours more towards our value system can create the following positive outcomes;

1. Live a happier and a more authentic life
2. Improve relationships with yourself and others
3. Make better choices for ourselves and help us create better boundaries
4. Ultimately makes life a lot easier (not to be confused with a natural level of short-term stress in day to day life)

How To Uncover Your Value System [Self-Exercise]

Step 1

Review and pick 10 values that speak or resonate with you. Don’t overthink them and if you wish to choose others not on the list, please do!

Step 2

From the 10 values you have picked (from step 1), refine and pick your top 3. Ask yourself what you really care about in life and what do you most commonly observe about yourself in your day to day interactions.

Step 3

Now you have your top 3 values (they don’t need to be in order of priority). Ask yourself what ones you can’t live without.

Step 4

Now you have your most important value to you right here, right now. Don’t worry as this can change as often as you need, remember you are only human. Reflect on what your top value means to you and how you feel you embody it

Step 5

Journaling or write on the following;

• I promise to live more aligned to my top value of …….. so  that I can…………………

Repeat this exercise as often as you like however at least quarterly is a good cadence. Sign-up to my mailing list (here) for access to the printable PDF values exercise 🙂

Understanding your values is another tool within your personal growth toolkit. If we do the work to better understand ourselves and which of these building blocks we care about in life, we can strive to live more and more in alignment with our life. With this alignment, comes flow and with flow comes ease. So take back your power and figure out your top values.

Lastly, be proud of your values, they are you, so wear them and do so with pride. 

If any of this content inspires you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox! 

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Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.