Be Only You

What Is Fear?

A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Dictionary.com

You can see from the above definition, just how broad the context of fear really is and how it can manifest in your life. Fear can take many forms within our bodies and express itself in a multitude of emotions e.g. anxiety, defensiveness, worry, doubt etc.  For the purposes of this article, I am not referring to the type of fear someone feels when their life is actually under threat. Instead, the following types of fear are what I am touching upon: 

Types Of Fear

Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO)

Yes this is actually a thing despite often being used in slang terms but this is an actual fear-driven emotion from feelings of of social exclusion or ostracism generated mainly from comparison of one’s life to others (in various ways).

Deadlines

In terms of work, or an exam/test of some sort. We’ve all been there, the sense of dread of the potential failure to meet the expectations that you and others have placed upon yourself. Expectations that are also usually unrealistic.

Disagreements

With a friend, family or a colleague. The emotion of worry of how they will react, regardless of any anger you feel, it is all driven from your deep seeded fear of the loss of that person, that friendship and the potential reality of having to grieve that.

Scarcity

The fear of never having enough or getting what you want. Whatever that is; that dream job, partner or having enough money to do something or pay a bill. We unfortunately live in a society that pressurises us to strive for more e.g. more money, bigger car, house etc. This is a hamster wheel we all must jump off when we can.

Rejection

From that job or potential partner. Have you ever stopped yourself applying for a job because you felt you were not qualified enough (studies have shown women are more prone to this). You allow your fear of rejection, to stop you even before you get started.

Before we jump into tackling these, lets explore a bit deeper.

Where Does It Live In Your Body?

While you may think that fear lives mainly in your head, you would be wrong. You will likely notice this more in your stomach and pelvic area. It will be no surprise that the “root” chakra aka Muladhara is associated with how grounded you feel to the earth. So if you are in a fearful state, this energy centre is out of balance and where you will begin to feel all sorts of digestive issues. There is also a lot of scientific studies now linking your gut health and your mind. Your microbiome (in your lower digestive tract or intestines) is an important component of your immune system and when this is out of balance (from fear, stress, antibiotics) you will notice your defences depleting. 

How Is Fear Different To Anxiety?

Fear is our intense biological response to immediate danger, otherwise known as our fight or flight ability, triggered by anything that is threatening your survival physically.  Anxiety, on the other hand, is when this feeling of fear is prolonged psychologically and as a result, your mind will produce excessive worrying thoughts. So in addition to any digestive issues you might experience, anxiety can manifest in all different parts of your body. For me, I definitely feel it more in my chest as a tightness and elevated heart rate and HRV (Heart Rate Variability). A lot of fitness wearables are excellent at tracking these sorts of trends over a period of time and may be a good investment for you.

Anxiety is not good or bad, it is a signal that we are spending time thinking about things we can’t control.

Dr Dave Rubin

Four Steps To Tackle Your Fear

1. Listen To Yourself (All Parts)

Regardless of the emotion (fear, anxiety, worry etc) it is manifesting within you for a purpose, and that is to send you a message. It is up to you to decode what it is trying to tell you. You have all sorts of voices in your head; your ego, your intuition, your inner child, your protector parts (the ones stuck in the past or a traumatic event). It is important to listen to them all because they are all you, they all have valid feelings and emotions to be acknowledged but that does not mean they are all true.

2. Reflect & Process

There are instances where your feelings of fear and anxiety are not obvious (I know I can relate to this) and this is ok. Get curious and get to the root of why you are feeling a fear related emotion. Keep asking yourself why? E.g. you have a tendency to strive for full grades or marks in any test or exam etc, and less than perfect is a failure for you. You compassionately enquire with yourself, learning that you have high standards for yourself. Further reflection on why you have this high bar may lead you to uncover your deep seeded need for validation from others. Why? because you had an absent parent in your formative childhood years. I do highly recommend doing this work with a counsellor or therapist.

3. Challenge Your Fear Head-On

By this I mean, actually ask yourself is this true? Or is it something that you are simply projecting or have “always thought that way”. More often than not, we are doing what is known as catastrophising; assuming the worst-case scenario is the most likely one and/or thinking that the situation is actually worse than it is. I do this all the time, thinking of all the many ways of something going wrong and the solution to that and to be honest it is mentally exhausting.

Faith means trusting what you cannot see. Fear means doubting what you cannot see. Both require the same energy and ask you to invest in the unknown.

Vex King

4. Alchemise & Transform

When you understand the real issue or root cause of your fear, you can take steps to rectify and take action for yourself. You have the power to transform that fear into whatever you need to move forward with that particular issue. One foot in front of the other and give yourself compassion and love (I recommend this previous blog).

Don’t forget to reflect on other times or situations that were difficult or scary, where you built resilience as part of that process. You are your own best cheerleader, build that confidence in yourself even for a split second and remind yourself that you have been through a lot tougher times, remember you are stronger than you think!

The cave you fear, holds the treasure you seek.

David Campbell

Unfortunately the feeling of fear and its associated emotions are a necessary part of your life experience. We are humans after all but remember it is a valid feeling but it is not permanent or likely true. You deserve to feel good, to have happiness and have a great life so instead of suppressing your fear (our instinctive means to protect ourselves), I urge you to lean into the whispers of its guiding message because it is actually a compass towards the better version of yourself.

No one ever said that life would be easy, some have it much harder than others. Although you have the choice to play the cards you have been dealt, do good in the world and to the people around you. Or you can allow your life to be lived and dominated through your unprocessed fear. 

If any of this content inspires you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox! 

Also consider forwarding this to anyone else who you think may need it too!

Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.