Be Only You

Absolutely nothing is certain in life but yet we live our lives wrapped in a soft fluffy cloud of what we perceive as certainty, like going to school/work/bed on repeat and this routine gives us a great sense of comfort. Humans by our very nature struggle to cope with uncertainty and so we create these constructs of certainty and routine to ease our anxious minds. So at the very core of things, there is no such thing as certainty but there is a high probability of certain outcomes and I think this is enough for people to live a reasonably content life (which by the way is totally ok).

But anyone that tells you that they can handle uncertainty and ambiguity very well is lying to you. It ignites the flight or fight response in your body triggering an explosion of all of the stress hormones. The evolutionary mechanism has been designed to enable you to make super quick actions and decisions to save your life! Back in the savanna you needed something to make you run from that saber tooth lion! But more relatable to today’s likely scenarios is when you nearly drop a glass on the floor and your heart is pumping so fast, your breath shortens and you need a few seconds to reset yourself. 

Short periods of uncertainty are manageable for most people although prolonged time periods of weeks and months can really take a negative toll on your psychological and physical health. Unfortunately this can be a common state for many people in life be it uncertainty in their relationships, their employment or challenges with finances (of course most of the world went through a collective period of uncertainty with the pandemic too but let’s not get into that now). 

MY EXPERIENCE WITH UNCERTAINTY

I have a lot of empathy for people living with this because I know exactly the negative impact it can have on your body, mind and soul! I’ve spent the majority of this past year in a constant  state of uncertainty regarding the safety of my job. There have been a couple of waves of redundancies and the 3-4 month wait in the most recent wave was by far the worst and really messed with my emotional well being. It is hard to stayed focused on the now with an ever looming threat of the unknown and your mind racing to contingency plan. It doesn’t matter how confident or resilent you are, this constant state of fear and stress will dampen your spirit.  You go through all sorts of waves of apathy, fear, frustration, anger, resentfullness, sadness etc. Although there will come a point when you start to really think about the things that matter in your life. I found myself asking “what’s the point” quite a lot.

When everything is uncertain, everything that is important becomes clear…

Anon

During the period of uncertainty, you naturally develop a sense of fear for the outcome, will everything be ok, what happens to this or that? Instinctively I personally want to run away, when the going gets tough I just remove myself from a situation. The feeling of being trapped or exposed to a toxic environment makes me suffocate. To be honest, I had noticed that a repeated behaviour of mine was to move jobs every 18 months or so and I started to link it with this avoidance pattern. So during this year’s period of uncertainty regarding my job, I decided to give myself advice that I would give to a friend; create some boundaries and see how it all pans out, it is only a job after all, you can get another one. I am not sure about you but I always grew up thinking that losing your job was the worst thing in the world (and it can be for some people) but for most part, we can hopefully dust ourselves off, take the learning and move onto something else. The rejection is a redirection for us.  

Tips For Managing Uncertainty

There is no one correct way of managing uncertainty and like most things it is highly personal. With that said, you can be guaranteed that going through a period like this will naturally cause you to build resilience and confidence in knowing that you can cope. You can keep moving forward despite the challenges, the unknown and that you are stronger than you think! 

So here are some of my tips;

1. Acceptance: not passive or easy, when you do this you allow yourself space to process further
   • Try to replace your worry with acceptance, when you hear yourself saying “what if this” or that happens, tell yourself “I accept this” and “I am strong” and “I will get through this”
   • Worrying steals your future!
   • You can’t change the situation but you can change how you are experiencing the situation and you have huge power in that
2. Create A Routine: espcially with incorporating some form of exercise, meditation or mindfulness daily. You need to create space between your thoughts, even a milisecond. I am not going to lecture you on healthy eating and reducing alcohol (not easy especially if needed for comfort and I lean heavily on these for comfort).
   • Try also to structure your day (even within timeframes) and meals/breaks 
   • Personally I found morning yoga (30 mins) and meditation (10mins) helpful for most morning with a walk in the park at lunch
   • Depending on how I am feeling and/or the weather I will switch the sequence up
   • I work remote so I appreciate this flexibility is not available to most so perhaps trying to integrate walking into your commute or doing walking meetings in the office
3. Write It Down
   • Don’t underestimate the power of journalling or typing your thoughts down out of your head
   • These thougths (especially if they are negative and believe me 80% of your 80k thoughts per day are negative and on repeat!)
   • So do yourself a favour and leave them on the paper, that way they are not going anywhere and you can always come back to them
   • Remind yourself that bad times don’t last forever and use the phrase “this too shall pass”
4. Talk to Someone
   • If you find your mood is consistently down or you are just not feling yourself, talk to someone, your friends, family, colleague and even a doctor, therapist, counsellor
   • I leaned on every single one of these people during my period of uncertainity and each gave me a different type of support
   • A problem shared is a problem halved although I did have to find a balance of not talking about it too much as it started to impede the happiness of my personal life
   • Your mind is more powerful than you think and this can weigh you down. I personally started to notice significant depressive episodes around my period (worse PMS than usual) and this stayed with me for months and finally I built up the courage to talk to my GP (this was after I was initially dismissed by another to “get on with it”).
   • For the first time in my life I started to take an anti-depressant which has been a game changer for me, there is no shame and my mental health is the better of it! 
5. Finally surrender, release the the hold
   • Like acceptance, this is not a passive exercise and to surrender you must firstly accept. Similar to the concept in my previous blog on the power of forgiveness, you are not forgetting about the uncertainty but you are surrendering or letting go of the hold it has on you and your psyche.
   • You can use all the techniques mentioned above and I find even jotting down some of the following statements empowering and saying them ideally out loud or in your head!
     • I surrender and let of go of controlling this outcome
     • I can’t control the event but I can control my reaction to it
     • What if actually this change or outcome is better than I think
   • All this positive reframement can even make you feel 1% better and that is a win

Going through uncertainty is a process, it looks different for everyone. Try not to manage it alone. Give yourself advice that you would give to a friend and go easy on yourself. Remember it is creating all sorts of physiological stress responses in your body and your sub-conscious can’t tell the difference between reality and your thoughts. So be very careful of what you are saying to yourself, try stop yourself mid negative statement and replace it with a positive affirmation mentioned above. You have the power to control your reactions.

The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasue you seek

Rumi

There is no easy way to manage uncertainty, it looks different for everyone but I can tell you it is not comfortable or pleasant for anyone. But you can make a decision to victimise yourself and allow the experience to chip away at you or you can empower yourself with a new found sense of resilience and accomplishment of getting through something like that. It doesn’t mean everything will be all rosey and that you will be 100% but you will have learned something new about yourself or others.

Learnings that will serve you well into your future.

If any of this content inspired you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below.

Much love ♥