Be Only You

By the time my mother was my age, her and my dad had bought their forever home, had a 9 year old (me) and were pregnant with their second child (my sister). For me, I am currently child-free, lived abroad for nearly 4 years, moved back home in the pandemic, work full time in the corporate America world and celebrating nearly 3 years together with my boyfriend. While some of society may worry that I’m running “out of time”, I can tell you I’m the most liberated I’ve ever felt. Age is a construct humankind has formalised, everyone’s timescale is unique and relevant to them. There are no measures of success, only the extent to which you feel connected or at peace with who you really are and everything you want . Everything else is superficial and frankly just noise. 

Granted it is noise that is difficult not to listen to!

My current lifestyle is a product of how times have changed in Ireland, where education is more accessible than ever and the women of Ireland have higher attendance in third level education now more than ever before. This is a privilege that is not available to everyone, I know that and I am so grateful for my family’s focus and resource on this aspect of my upbringing.

I spent most of my mid to late adolescence in a mentally abusive relationship

Somewhere around the age of 22, I finally gathered the strength to break free from an abusive relationship. I had made the decision 2 years before I actually able to walk away. So then I began my journey of rediscovering my true self or what some people call my “spiritual journey”. I started with hot yoga from some random Groupon deal. At the time, I never realised just how influential that was in my redirection. The path has not been easy or straight-forward although it’s one I am proud off. Here are 3 main lessons that I have learned so far….

1. Be Grateful

I started a gratitude practice over 5 years ago, every night (of course I missed some nights) I would write 3 things down in a notebook that I was grateful for. It could be someone as small as “I am grateful for my coffee”, “I am grateful for time off” or “I am grateful for the sun today“. Over time I found more and more abundance coming into my life, whether it be more career progression, more positive relationships, more opportunities. The transformation doesn’t happen over night, like improving your fitness or starting to save, these things take time and effort but I can promise you all the personal growth, be it financial, career, social skyrocketed from there. I still continue to do it this day and make it part of my morning/evening routines. Gratitude changes your attitude and everything else follows, I promise you that but consistency is key even in times when things are hard (especially during these things). Not feeling great or no motivation? Take a piece of paper and write down 3 things or people you are grateful for, I guarantee it will make you feel at least 1% better. You are rewiring your brain or in science you are exercising your neuroplasticity (ability to change your brain).

2. Happiness Is Not The Destination

The more you connect your happiness to a person (my next partner), a place (my new home) or a thing (my new job, career, wealth, body) you will never be happy. Yes read that again, you will never be happy. Happiness is not a destination, it is the process of life. You will of course have good days, bad days, stressful days, times etc and no one is happy 100% of the time despite what a lot of wellness sites, people and books tell you. The sooner you grasp this you’ll notice your perspective shift. Your emotions and feelings are indicators of information in that moment. They come and go, you are not your emotions remember that. Find joy in the smaller moments, the fresh cup of coffee the smells so good, the morning sun when you go for your walk, the sound of the birds singing out your window or whatever gives you that 2 seconds of appreciation in the moment. Happiness is a state of being in the present moment and does not exist anywhere else. It is our thoughts that keep us stuck in the past and worried about the future. So find the activities, hobbies or passions that bring you into the present moment even for a second and then keep doing them. Like bathing we need to do it often, it is the same with our happiness mindset! 

3. It Is Ok To Change Your Mind

I use to believe that you have a state of mind or an opiniont that is fixed and that is it. Over time I come to understand that changing my mind is actually empowering and showing that authenticity to say I was wrong, now I know more and i’ve changed my mind. This is no easy feat but one people will respect you for. Show yourself compassion for changing your mind and even if that is happening multiple times, you are human with nearly 80,000 thoughts a day so it is bound to happen.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Dr Maya Angelou

In conclusion, carve out the time every day (even 30 seconds) to write down what you are grateful for, no matter how small. Remind yourself that happiness is like bathing, it has to be actioned daily. Finally show yourself compassion and forgiveness for when you change your mind on a person, place or thing. This is not a negative but a positive sign that you are well on your way on your journey of personal growth.

If any of this content inspired you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below.

Much love ♥