Be Only You

Whether we like it or not, our past has shaped our current reality and will continue into the future unless you do something about it. All the triggers, habits, ticks and subsequent behaviours can be all traced back to your early life. Everything we have experienced in our lives; good, bad or indifferent will remain stored in our body unless we do the hard work of releasing it.

Don’t be loyal to your suffering ~ Dr Gabor Mate

HOW DO OUR EXPERIENCES LIVE IN OUR BODY

By around your mid-thirties, who we present to the world has been programmed from our lived experiences. We have amassed a set of habits, preferences and dislikes. These sets of behaviours have been fuelled by a certain mindset and through a consistent flurry of similar thoughts that provoke emotions and ultimately lead to who you think you are. At this stage, you might start to tell yourself “oh I am old enough now and I know what I need” and “that just doesn’t work for me”. I challenge you to be curious if these beliefs are being driven by your fear of change and comfort of the known? Nothing changes unless you change.

In order to change to a new vision of the future you have to change something about yourself. You need to change the way you act, think and feel. ~ Joe Dipenza

Don’t be fooled, what I am describing here is not easy and will take a huge amount of energy. Although if you want to build a better future for yourself then you have nothing else to lose but trying something new. Push past your comfort zone, give new approaches a go and challenge yourself to think differently. If at all possible, call yourself out on your own bullshit! 

WHY WE SHOULD CARE?

Because it’s holding you back whether you realise it or not. Like all good things in life, it is a good idea to reflect and refresh. Too often people keep this sort of thing for new years which for most people is an easy way to give up too soon.

Every emotion that you chose not to express gets stored in your body. I know this is a difficult concept to understand. What is easier to understand is an example of what I mean.

Imagine you visit that judgemental aunt because your parents strong armed you into going with them. During the car journey, your frustration and anxiety of the impending visit has caused your body to produce a mix of norepinephrine and cortisol (the chemicals our body needs for the fight or flight). The power of your thoughts have caused this influx and because you are in your parents car, silent and allowing the thoughts to swirl around. This  means that your body has no way to burn this off, so it must store it either likely in the shoulders and the hips along with the resentment and anxiety of the trip. And so the evening of the unwanted visit continues with further cortisol creation in response to the snide comments of which you must bite your lip and silence that screaming voice deep inside forever.

If you are repressing your anger, you are also repressing your immune system ~ Dr Gabor Mate

The emotions you repress are the words you have never expressed for whatever reason. They also don’t always have to be negative either. I know that it is not always possible to say what you need to say to someone although there are many mediums to do this like journaling, therapy, chatting with friends and even channelling through exercise. 

Hopefully by now you can understand how easy it is to amass quite a lot within the body through the course of your life. If you allow the years go by in denial, like a boiling teapot the lid will eventually come flying off especially during stressful life moments. A clue to this is a pariticular strong reaction to a seemingly ordinary incident. These moments can be incredibly helpful to anchor to and ultimately a compass to a clue to within your past.

It’s helpful to take along your key, the one with the following 5 important parts…

1. Become Aware

The first step of any growth journey is becoming aware or acutely conscious of your way of being and the behaviours that you embody. Quite often people lose a lot of their freedom in sticking to their habits and learned beliefs. These may have served you very well in the past and even protected you but it doesn’t mean that you have to take them to the grave with you. These are the behaviours that are no longer serving you.

2. Be Uncomfortable

All change is uncomfortable, it brings about a flurry of uncertainty and mental noise. Unfortunately, we don’t get to make the rules in the game of life. So if you want to start changing something about yourself, you need to learn to get uncomfortable. This might be doing more exercise and getting up an hour early in the pouring rain for that walk. Or it could be that first “no thank you” you assert to that dominant family member as you work to reinforce new found boundaries. This is a practice, you won’t get things right straight away so it requires diligence and dedication. 

The events of our lives don’t define us, our actions do. ~ Tony Robbins

3. Get Curious

The 80,000 thoughts swirling around your head every day do matter because they lead to your lived experience. Forget the right or wrong, stay curious about the why. Just become curious about what you are feeling and why you are feeling. Don’t overthink. Notice that strong reaction and instead of scolding yourself for it, just pay attention to its present. “Oh I had a strong reaction to that right there, why was that?”. Be very careful not to allow the inner critic to overshadow your curiosity. This would present as “you shouldn’t have reacted that way, they think you are crazy now and you will never get invited again”. This voice is not helpful so reduce the attention you give it. 

4. Show Compassion

Like you would your best friend, treat yourself with compassion. You are doing the best with what you know. It is ok to get things wrong or to know you can do better or differently. Life has no playbook really so mistakes are an opportunity for you to regroup and reassess. It can be helpful to use phrases like “ I wasn’t conscious of what I was doing, knowing what I know now I would have behaved different and so I have learned a lesson” or “What I did was wrong, it came from my fear of being alone and I know I will do better next time”.

Mistakes are the portal to discovery ~ James Joyce

5. Time

Rome wasn’t built in a day and behaviour changes don’t have overnight. Gift yourself time to adjust, to practise acceptance, develop a curiosity and a compassion habit although all of these things take time. I can’t tell you how long it will take you or even if it will work at all but I can promise you if you don’t try, you will never know. Give yourself time to adjust and even little by little you will change the trajectory of your life.

Tackling the past is never easy or comfortable but you must do it if you want to step into your best future. Otherwise you will continue to repeat the same behaviours, again and again. This is ok if these behaviours serve you well but of course the ones you think of constantly are likely the ones that are holding you back. I am not here to judge you and tell you that I have this down perfectly (it is most certainly a journey for me) although I can tell you that each layer of the past that you uncover, tackle and process, I promise you the light within your eyes gets that bit brighter and people start to notice. Sometimes others see the change in you and your being well before you even realise.

Thank you for reading and if you haven’t already,  subscribe below to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox and receive printable gratitude and values exercises! Please also forward this to anyone else you think might be interested

Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.