Be Only You

Too often we wrap our sense of value and worth up in our identity, occupation, the new car, the house, the followers etc. We rely so much on the external world to validate our words, actions and being. We do of course have to feel like we “belong” and hence why our close relationships are indeed important to our happiness although these relationships (and more importantly their opinions) have no real consequence on our value. Your value is intrinsic and has no expiry date.

True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value to the world ~ Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness

It can be incredibly difficult for someone to tap into their well of value or worth especially if they are going through tough times. Their confidence and self-esteem have taken a beating from a toxic job, partner, parent or environment. It can be so hard to even believe that it even exists because they have built up a wall of fear and shame in order to protect themselves. I know this because I’ve lived through it myself where I hid behind a veil of unrealistic self expectations. I wouldn’t allow myself to value my accomplishments whether it was academic or professional, always brushing these off with a sense of unworthiness. 

3 ACTIONS TO IMPROVE YOUR SENSE OF VALUE & WORTHINESS

1. Set Achievable Goals/Tasks

Don’t self-sabotage and give yourself unrealistic expectations. Find the balance within feasible achievement versus stretching yourself. You can tell this if your inner critic is much louder than your compassionate self. A really easy way to get into this mind-set is asking yourself “what would I say to my best friend in this situation”?

Confidence doesn’t always come from believing in yourself today. It often stems from recalling the obstacles you overcame yesterday ~ Adam Grant

2. Practise Self-Love

This can be really difficult for most who have spent a lifetime of societal conditioning to prioritise other people over your own needs in fear of appearing selfish. With that said, this practise is highly personal although

• It can be setting and implementing boundaries
• It can be allocating alone time doing your favourite thing every week
• It can be telling yourself in the mirror that you love you (this one I find very difficult)

One exercise I have personally found helpful, is combining my gratitude practice with including  3 things that I loved about myself e.g. my hair, my humour or how healthy my body is. It feels strange at first but I promise you it is a really powerful tool to help rewire your brain. I have written more about the power of your thoughts here.

3. Make Time For Play

This one is less obvious and one society has mostly shunned adults for partaking. Our minds have evolved to need play. Our children do it naturally because it is required for their development. Somewhere along the way, societal norms decided that we need to “grow” up and stop playing. Well, I am here to remind you that it is a necessary and crucial part of your life’s development. If you don’t have a hobby that allows play aka mindful present moment then go ahead and experiment! Try to feel excited about trying out new things (and failing at them). In this way, you help develop new neural pathways in your brain. Try not to stress about a timeline of perfection and resist the need to feel the pressure to be perfect (there is no such thing anyway).

Be perfectly imperfect!

It’s easy to lose your sense of value and worth in this life, we’ve all been there at one stage or another. The important thing to realise is that you “lose your sense” and not your actual value or worth, they are always there within you. It’s up to you to make sure you remind yourself every day and do the work because no one else can do it for you!

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Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.