Be Only You

For most of your life, you’ve assumed most things follow a linear or straight forward order. The steps of the stairs, counting to ten, the alphabet and even the aisles in a supermarket. All this arrangement of structure within our day-to-day lives, fools you into thinking that your life follows a structured order. We use age to define ourselves starting at zero, increasing by one every loop of the sun. So in this way we do ourselves no favour when it comes to living our lives. We expect that everything happens in order, the household chores to the life goals written down in that journal. But the reality for many of us, is that we are going to face adversity and challenges for most of the way throughout our lives. These events, people, or situations derail us off our track so to speak.

Think of some recent adversity in your life or event that challenged you for some time. When you retrospectively look back to tell a friend, you probably recall it in a linear fashion and by doing so, you do yourself the injustice of not fully appreciating the messiness of it all including all the twists and turns that you faced.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Steve Jobs

Adversity is unclear by design. When things are too clear and comfortable, you won’t challenge yourself to think and do differently and ultimately change. There is huge power in ambiguity as uncomfortable as it feels. Within this discomfort lies opportunity. 

How To Embrace The Messiness Of Adversity

Embrace: accept something enthusiastically

Cambridge Dictionary

1. Get Grounded

Whatever activity (in-activity) brings you into the present moment (walk in nature, calming playlist, colouring etc). You need to create some space between the mental chatter and thoughts within your head. Too much noise fucks with you. You wouldn’t sit relaxed while a house-alarm goes off so how do you expect your mind to quieten if you don’t give it some relief? 

2. Prioritise A Healthy Routine

It’s likely this adversity or challenging event is giving you some stress of sorts. We can be tempted to nurse that stress with our favourite takeaway, alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. By all means, give yourself that hour or two release but be ready for that stress to exacerbate. We all want that magic pill, that quick fix from our problems. I can promise you this will only make things feel even worse and last for longer. So prioritise your health above these fake friends of yours and nourish your body. You know what does this because it feels good for your mind, body and soul. Whether that is; skipping that night out for a good night’s sleep, avoiding that family event with that toxic aunt or adding that daily walk into your work day.

3. Get Curious About What You Are Learning

When you feel grounded enough and had that good night’s sleep you can start to challenge that voice of victimisation, sadness and anxiety inside of you. Listen and question it with compassion. Give it the space to answer and tell you all it’s worries and fears. Ask the multiple whys and do not judge it. All your emotions are worthy and valid. This doesn’t mean they are true but they are helpful learning opportunities to better understand you and how this adversity is triggering you. 

4. Decide What You Are Taking Away From It

Only through showing yourself compassion and actively listening to yourself during  these challenging times, can you start to think about what action or in-action you want to take. It is important to take time here, everyone is different. I know when I have a big decision or face a considerable challenge that I need many good nights of sleep and sometimes it can take me weeks, months or in the past even years. Don’t worry too much about the time period because even during adversity you can begin to take action, whatever that may be. Facing a challenging time at work? Can you spend time on a side project to build up your confidence and find another outlet to share your gifts? 

5. Remind Yourself That It Won’t Last Forever

Continue to remind yourself that nothing lasts forever and just as the tides turn, so will this adversity. 

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit

Napoleon Hill

Despite using the accumulation of numbers to define our journeys around the sun, life itself is not a straight line. We will always face some level of adversity throughout our lives and if I am honest we need it. We are creatures of habit and comfort, so we need this push in order to grow. Otherwise we wouldn’t move and have difficult experiences that will act as guideposts for others. 

Thank you for reading and if you haven’t already,  subscribe below to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox and receive printable gratitude and values exercises! Please also forward this to anyone else you think might be interested

Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.