Be Only You

We can all relate to the feeling of worry and anxiety taking hold over our chest or stomach as a result of a situation that has happened in the past and/or may happen in the future. These thoughts go around and around your mind as the emotions grip tighter and tighter around your lungs, sometimes causing a slight panic reaction. We think by putting energy (our thoughts) into the issue or impending challenge (new or no job, new house, new country, new or no relationship etc), that it will help us tackle it easier. I know I’ve fooled myself with this narrative for many years. So when (or in most cases if) this arises, you go through a whole cycle of fear and basically react to the past (or potential future) situation. All you are doing is exposing yourself to a double dose of the flurry of emotional fear. Believe it or not, your body can’t tell the difference hence why you physically react the same to an actual situation and when you react to it within your mind. This is the power of your thoughts. I write more about this in Your Mind Is More Powerful Than You Think.

If something is wrong, fix it now, but train yourself not to worry. Worry fixes nothing.

Ernest Hemingway

Now I am not for one minute suggesting that dealing with fear, worry, anxiety is easy to tackle and something you can easily ignore and let go off. What I am saying is that you can take a step back, take the perspective and understand that our whole human program has been wired in fear. Think about it, our fight and flight biological system has evolved to serve this important mechanism mainly for life threatening situations. It is when we indulge in chronic fear (over non-life threatening situations) that the subsequent build up of anxiety causes things to get messy. Your efforts should be in interrupting that pattern whenever you can. Also for some there is a fear of letting go of that fear in itself. Some people actually use this as a coping mechanism or will use the phrase “better the devil you know”, this my friend is your fear of letting go of control, something that does not exist anywhere except within your mind.

WHY SHOULD I LET GO OF ANYTHING?

By releasing the hold that fear has on you, you allow yourself to be more in the present moment, being here right now. I am not saying that you will never have fear or worry about something again. What I am talking about is you releasing that grip it has on you, even by 1%. Our emotions exist to provide us with vital information and in many causes drive us to take action. Learn more about emotions in You Are Not Your Emotions.

• Are you fearful of losing your job? Have you any control over this? 
• Are you afraid of commitment to a new partner but of your toxic ex? Are you worried they will cheat on you and you’ll be hurt again? Have you control over your new partner’s actions?
• Are you worried that getting a mortgage will cause you financial worry? What will make you feel safe?

These are just some examples that I have personally struggled with and if you’ve found yourself with similar mental dilemmas, ask yourself “how is this fear and worry helping this situation?”. I would be shocked if anyone told me that all those sleepless nights and 3am wake-ups actually helped them feel better about the situation.

FIND YOUR POWER IN SURRENDERING AND LETTING GO

This is highly personal for everyone. Sarah Blondin talks about allowing yourself to go into the shadow realms of yourself. I relate this to parts of you that feel unsafe, anxious and fearful. While it is most certainly not comfortable or pleasant, it does have a purpose, as I mentioned all emotions are there to give you information to help you with your best next step. So go to these depths within yourself through self-reflection, therapy (ideally) mindfulness, journaling or whatever it is. You must find this voice with yourself, take stock of what it needs to tell you and then release it. Find a visualisation that can help you with this surrender and release.  I detail some helpful steps on this in Managing Uncertainty. 

3 STEPS FOR LETTING GO

1. Accept

Actively accept what your fear is trying to teach you. This emotional cue is more powerful than you think. Read more in Why Fear Is Your Best Teacher.

2. Take Action

Now you’ve accepted the message from your fear, so what are you going to do about it? Or what is it that you can do about it? Quite often we can’t change a situation as quickly as we would like but we can change how we react to it and implement helpful habits to counteract the impact it is having on our lives. Hate your current job? Can you carve out time for the sort of work and/or hobbies that give you pleasure. Fighting a lot with your partner lately which is driving a wedge between you? Take time to discuss your feelings in a safe environment.

3. Surrender & Let Go

Give yourself the gift of release from this fear, even 1% and it may be helpful to imagine you gripping a rope, envisage yourself releasing your hold ever so slightly. This rope is your fear, you don’t have to completely let go straight away but give it some slack so as to surrender and channel that energy that youpreviously put ito fear and use it for self-compassion. You are doing your best. Loving Yourself: Why You Should Prioritise This Over Everything.

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Maya Angelou

Fear can come in all shapes and sizes, all types of levels of gravity so don’t be fooled that it is only saved for big events like losing a job or relationship etc. It can be as simple as attending that family event. Get into the habit of asking yourself, “what is no longer serving me?” The act of not letting go (or needing control) is actually counter intuitive and blocking you from your own progress. You are wasting your precious energy in the wrong direction so come at your fear from behind. It is impossible to let go completely, you are probably not a monk at the top of a mountain but you are a powerful human that has the power to change the hold that you place upon yourself. Surrendering and letting go is not easy, it can be simple but it’s mandatory for your growth. 

Thank you for reading and if you haven’t already,  subscribe below to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox and receive printable gratitude and values exercises! Please also forward this to anyone else you think might be interested

Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.