Be Only You

I find the whole concept of New Year’s Resolutions pretty loaded and triggering. One filled with all forms of impending guilt, fear and self-sabotage. I am sure we all immediately think of the typical changes people want to make to their weight, smoking, giving up alcohol etc. The pressure that people put on themselves to “give-up” all of these things and more often than not, most people buckle under this pressure (unsurprisingly so) only after a few weeks. So in this way, I am advising you not to bother with new year’s resolutions. But it’s not what you think….

A few years ago I decided to stop indulging in this sort of practice. The anxiety and mental pressure I was putting myself under, was not even worth the desired outcome of whatever new year’s resolution that I had taken on. So instead, I started to think about the new habits or promises that I wanted to give to myself. Notice the words “give to myself” and not “give-up”. This is important psychologically because it is not in our DNA to do without. We are hardwired for survival and so the concept of giving up something is us setting ourselves up for failure from the get-go.

So instead of piling all that pressure onto your shoulders to take on a new year’s resolution, make yourself a promise to create a new beneficial habit or practise for yourself. This can be anything, it doesn’t matter what other people think because it is your body, mind and life! It could be as simple as getting up 10 minutes earlier to meditate or be mindful with your cup of coffee, you may notice yourself calmer in the mornings. You might decide to start a daily walk and notice you have more energy so you need less caffeine. 

It is also perfectly fine to curate a dream or vision for your life alongside these new habits. I am a big fan of vision boards and more to come on this topic soon. Although the key question for yourself here, is what do you want to bring more of into your life? Then you can create your promise list of new habits which will bring you closer to this e.g you want to feel more energetic so some new habits could be going to bed at an earlier time each night (even on weekends when you can), no phone time an hour before sleep and get that daily walk into your commute or lunchtime.

4 Steps Towards A Better Version Of Yourself

1. Quit The Self-Loathing

Do not indulge in the self-loathing of telling yourself “I am too” this or that. Any sort of less than statement, again is setting yourself up for failure. Instead tell yourself that “I can do this” and “I will do this”. Remember all the times when you did successfully build a new habit or practice that was difficult (yes this can even be riding a bike or learning to drive!).  You didn’t make it this far in your life without building new habits so of course you can do it again and again!

2. Get Really Specific

Pair down all your “I want to” statements and ask yourself what it is that you really want. It is ok to start off broad e.g. “I want to be healthier” but you need to ask yourself what you really mean by this? Is it more sleep, less sugar, more exercise? Spend the time on reflecting and journaling on this even during your morning tea/coffee over the next week. Don’t forget to ask whether it is something that you want or someone else in your life wants for you. Be careful of this because you are the only one living your life and not someone else.

3. Be Patient & Realistic

Changing a habit can be hard and takes consistent practice. I read before that it can take 20+ days for a new habit to form and stick. So it is ok to start small and steady. Remember you are aiming for consistency which will naturally build up your confidence and faith in yourself. There is no magic number on how many new habits to bring into your life, although you can have a comprehensive list and stagger them across the coming year (I take this approach) because too much, too soon can overwhelm you and again set you up for failure. 

It can be helpful to write these all out for yourself and throughout the year reflect on how well they are going. I have taken this approach the last couple of years and surprised myself just how much I was able to do by taking things slow, steady and aiming for consistency across the year.

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help & Support

Most new habits can be easily accessible to you because you have likely practised them before. Although others require expertise and/or support from others e.g. quitting smoking, starting a new training regime, processing old trauma. Please don’t allow this to put you off taking on this habit. Implementing a new habit requires determination and discipline which is a hard enough task so don’t be afraid to ask others (including experts) for help! 

If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together

African Proverb

Not all of your new habits have to be small or big or even have an ultimate end point or destination. Like life, it is the process and journey that teaches and transforms us the most. Taking on new habits can be incredibly uncomfortable and difficult although this is the path forward towards the better version of yourself.

Finally, you may also find that your new habit brings a natural end to another or lights the flame for more, lean into whatever this brings about for you. I wish you the very best ahead of the new year and for the new promises that you will make to yourself.

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Much love ♥