Be Only You

Absolutely no one in this world has never not made a mistake. It is impossible. The very act of learning how to walk as a child requires it. Have you ever watched a toddler fall on their back side and immediately get back up. The vast majority of them just get back up with a sheer determination to get it “right”. Every time they fall, one could call that a “mistake” but they use each of these falls as momentum to get back up. Yes, granted when we as adults think of mistakes, we think of much bigger things like buying that house with the big mortgage, getting back with your ex, choosing that degree or starting an argument drunk at that wedding. The list goes on and we give ourselves an extremely hard time in the process.

What if I told you that making these mistakes are mandatory for growth within your very life. How else are you meant to learn? You can think of mistakes as gold coins that you collect in a nice, big, clear jar. You get to watch this jar fill up as your life goes on, becoming richer and richer as the years go on.

A teacher of mine refers to mistakes as “learning opportunities” and I absolutely love this framing because that is exactly what they are. Instead of shaming ourselves or feeling guilty when we make one, rephrase that internal dialogue to “what can I learn from this?” It is ok to feel sad, or upset about a mistake that you or others have made although remember we are all human, everyone makes mistakes, some big, some small.

3 Ways To Transform Your Mistakes

1. Craft Your Sentence

I/We/They did <insert mistake> and <insert outcome> happened, causing me to feel <insert emotion>

• I made the mistake of giving the wrong information to a colleague which got them into trouble with their manager and now I feel guilty
• She made the mistake of getting back with her ex-boyfriend, now he has cheated on her again and she feels ashamed 
• They made the mistake of mixing friends at a house party, as a result the party ended early with a lot people leaving after an hour and even some end of night arguments which left many feeling disappointed and frustrated

Whatever it is (how big or small) create your sentence so you can get really clear. Try to not think too much about this part because the value is in the next two steps.

2. Curate Your Lesson

This can be highly personal and my advice is to not be happy with just the first answer you come up with. The trick is to keep asking yourself “why”. Although I mean the helpful sort of “why” that helps you better understand your behaviour and actions.

Taking the examples above;

• The mistake of giving the wrong information; the question should be how did you get access to the wrong information? Was it an oversight on your end or is there a process in place that is not functioning? If so why?
• Your friend back with her ex, will hopefully better understand that she should learn to trust herself more in that her initial decision to break-up was the right one for her. What need drove her to getting back with him? Spending energy on berating herself on getting back with the ex will not be helpful
• What did you invite everyone knowing that a few of them don’t get on too well. Why did you think it would be different this time? Where you doing it to please others? Are you afraid to say no in fear of rejection?

This exercise is you peeling back the onion layers which can be more beneficial to do this with a therapist if you have access to one. The exercise of the multiple “whys” is not to hurt you but to get to the root of the behaviour. Like when you are feeling unwell, you don’t just want to treat a symptom, you want to treat the whole illness.

3. Customise Your Path Forward

Once you have an understanding of what it is that you have learn. Decide and define your ideal way forward. Be careful of becoming too stubborn like “I am never going to spend time with that person again” or “I am never trusting that person again”. We have a tendency to allow our emotions to overrule our rationale when we are hurting or upset. So give yourself time to come up with this, you will be surprised what a few good night sleeps can result in. Remember you want to figure out your lesson and not project that onto someone else.

Again taking the examples above;

• You might decide to give that colleague direct access to the source of that information and limit human error.
• That friend learns to hone into her intuition and trust when her gut is giving her red flags and messages for her best alignment
• You can’t please everyone and so creating separate social events with various groups of friends is likely best for all involved. Keeping the big events to rare occasions.

It can be helpful to write this new path forward and even create a promise to yourself.

Embracing a mistake is simply going to enable you to stop beating yourself up and hating yourself

Teal Swan

The world-renowned basketball player Michael Jordan (considered one of the best players of his time) missed 9,000 shots during his career. These misses (or mistakes) were his compass to his next level of greatness. Your life will flow much better when you reframe your mistakes into opportunities to grow and learn from. Life is full of mistakes and yes you can give yourself the time to feel into the emotions associated with them (but don’t dwell too long). What is most important is what you learn from doing them and how you choose to move forward. A reminder that genuine apologies are always a good place to start (even to yourself!).

Consider your mistakes: a gift box filled with wisdom. It is also worth inquiring with yourself whether the act of making mistakes is a coping mechanism or a means for you to self-deprecate, so as to protect yourself from the hurt by others. Remember, you are not your mistakes.

If any of this content inspires you or you have any feedback I would love to hear in the comments below. Don’t forget to subscribe to receive my weekly blog straight to your inbox and receive printable gratitude and values exercises! 

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Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.