Be Only You

Rejection in any form is painful and we’ve all experienced it at some stage in our lives. We learn this early on in childhood in the playground, being left out of a game/toy or through the dismissal of a caregiver in stress. While many of us experience rejection throughout our lives, it is never easy and leaves a residue of insecurity and a feeling of less then. It could be a relationship, a job that you really want, a mortgage, a contract, or a course application. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be so black and white either; it can be all sorts of grey such as “ghosting” on the dating scene or even from a friend. 

Regardless of the type, it brings a flurry of emotions and rabbit-holes of incessant thoughts. The duration varies by person and for most, it is a short-lived experience depending on the coping mechanisms ensued. It’s normal to experience the whole spread of emotions, feelings and thoughts although you may notice that all routes point towards pain within the body and mind.

Pain always has something to teach us

Teal Swan

I get it (eye rolls incoming) although honestly every rejection I’ve ever had has been a helpful redirection for me. At the time it’s shit, it feels like failure, chips away at your confidence and self-esteem and all you want to do is crawl into a ball with a bottle of wine and your favourite greasy food. Quite often, doing exactly that is perfectly fine (for one night only) because it becomes way too easy to stay in the wallow of self-pity and victimisation. Believe me i’ve been stuck there before. It is also worth noting that we are not the only species that is faced with rejection and it can be helpful to spare a thought for the male peacock that must constantly perform (apparently shaking their feathers 25 times per second) for the privilege to mate. Most of these displays are met with rejection but yet he always dusts himself off and heads onto the next.

5 PHASES THROUGH REJECTION

1. Allow Yourself To Process (not too long though)

Eat the ice cream, drink the wine (responsibility), watch mindless TV and stay in bed all day. Whatever it is that you need to retreat and lick those wounds. You will go through all the rainbow of lower vibrations of anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, you name it. But whatever you do, prioritise a really good night’s sleep because I promise you will feel at least 1% better.

2. Accept The Situation

Sounds easier said than done and how I do this is by accepting the emotions that I am feeling. Resist the urge to immediately solutionise your way out of the situation. Feel into what you are feeling, write it down in a journal, meditate, go for a walk and move that energy out of the body.

3. Create Some Distance

Do the things that make you forget about looking at your watch and lose track of time. These are the people, places and things that bring you truly into the present. The only time that actually exists. By doing this, you relieve the mind of the noise and chatter of the rejection, even for a short time. And in doing so, you are giving yourself space to process and gather some perspective.

4. Dust Yourself Off

This is when you tell yourself, ok enough of the ice cream, chocolate, wine, victimisation and mental chatter. It’s time to get back on the train of life. You start to ask yourself “what can I do now? How can I go around?” and decide the next best step for yourself

5. Trust The Redirection

Whether you like it or not, the rejection has something to teach you about yourself or others. It also affords you the gift of a second chance or decision on something. Not everything we want is actually good for us. 

To change your life you must accept it

Gary Zukav

Not all rejections will be as intense, so I suggest that you find the right balance of time for you that allows you to process and move yourself through these phases. Each of these are equally important although make sure not to get caught up in the earlier phases for too long.  

Rejection in all forms is an uncomfortable pill to swallow, it forces the bubbles of insecurity and fear to rise to the surface of your life. Licking your wounds is a necessary phase of the process although don’t get stuck there because there is gold to be found behind the door of rejection and for me its always been a redirection to a better place (never obvious at the time though). So I help myself through this by leaning into trust and acceptance of the situation.  As soon as you start to feel the surge of blame and victimisation, you must stop yourself right in your tracks. This mentality serves nothing but the fear of your ego. 

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Much love ♥

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, these opinions are my own views and thoughts. I strongly encourage you to work with your healthcare practitioner and/or therapist if any of these views have had a negative impact on you.